Dear Hipsters

I can see the outline of your junk in your skinny jeans and I'm not impressed.

While the cat's away.....

The mice will play!

Except in this analogy I'm just going to buy a cat. No mice involved.
Santiago is in Phoenix, and I'm bored. I want a kitten soooooo bad! However, Santiago is "allergic" and since I kinda don't want him to die I probably won't bring one home. Maybe. I'm still contemplating...

Here is the problem (other than the allergies, which could be cured by me grinding up a Zyrtec into Santiago's breakfast every morning) Either I have short-term memory loss or I just have a bigger forgiveness center in my brain. I just cant stay mad at Santiago for more than......6 and a half minutes. He puts on the cute face, makes me laugh, then kisses me until I can't even fake a frown. I must not have a comparable cute face, because I get the silent treatment until he decides I've been punished enough. I have a feeling that a kitten might land me a good month or so of silent treatment....Which I obviously could not handle since I am needy and require love and attention from Santiago 24/7. (but then again....I would have a kitten to keep me company during my exile!)


So instead, I'm just going to rearrange all the furniture and go shopping.

.

USS Ronald Reagan

Santiago would like someone to name a boat after him.

That is all.

Butter

Occasionally I sample pasta for a local company at Whole Foods. Pasta Divina makes compound butters, pasta sauces, and fresh pasta.

If you think that only rich people shop at Whole Foods, then you've obviously never been in one. I can think of several distinct types of people who shop there: rich people, hippies, people on weird diets, creeps who come in just for the samples, foodies, and old people.

Here is my typical interaction with each of these types of people while I am sampling:

Rich People:
Me: "Hi there. Have you tried our fresh basil linguine?"
Customer: "Great Scot! that pasta is delicious. I'll take 3 of everything. Is there any way you could dip it in gold for me first?"

Hippies:
Me: "Hi there. Have you tried our fresh basil linguine?"
Customer: "Oh yeah I buy this at the farmer's market all the time! Are those cups recyclable?"

People on weird diets:
Me: "Hi there. Have you tried our...."
Customer: "I DONT EAT CARBS" or "IS THAT GLUTEN FREE??!!"

Creeps who come in just for the samples
Me: "Hi there. Have you tried our fresh basil linguine?"
Customer: "Hmmm I don't remember. Maybe I should try 3 or 4 samples of everything."
....and then they'll take their sample cup and dip it in the olive bar, the soup, and anything else that is not locked down.

or...they'll just pop a sample into their mouth and THEN ask what it is. I always cross my fingers that they will have some horrible allergy to whatever they just ate.

Foodies
Me: "Hi there. Have you tried our truffle butter?"
Customer: "SWEET JESUS DID YOU SAY TRUFFLES?!?"

Old people
Me: "Hi there. Have you tried our truffle butter?"
Customer: "what?"
Me: "Would you like to try some truffle butter?"
Customer: "what's truffle?"
Me: "It's a type of mushroom that has a sweet, earthy flavor"
Customer: "mushroom? that doesn't sound very good. don't you have some cheese?"
Me: "No, sorry. But feel free to try the butter if you like"
Customer: "Where's that?"
Me: "right here. It's on a piece of french bread"
Customer: "I thought you said it was butter?"
Me: "It is butter. We just spread it on some bread so you have something to eat it on"
Customer: "So it's cheese?"

It takes every ounce of restraint for me to not strangle these people. I do give some of them looks of disgust...