Pimple Popper PA

"You call yourself a lifesaver?! I call you Pimple Popper MD!"

I got my first job out of school at a dermatology clinic. 

I know what you're thinking: Pimple-popping-botox-shooting-scab-picking FUN!

Um. YES!

Ok, now imagine the face of a 5 year old at Disney Land.

THIS 5 year old. 

That is the exact face I make every time I get to drain a giant cyst. 

Slicing off skin cancers? As delightful as the coo of a newborn baby.

Snipping off skin tags? More satisfying than taking your bra off at the end of a long day. 

Punch biopsies? On par with the smell of sizzling bacon. 

Freezing off moles? Eh, not as fun. But I most definitely make a "pew pew" noise in my head every time I pull the trigger on the liquid nitrogen can. 

Basically, it's the BEST. 

Megan is mad

Megan Sanchez wants to know why I haven't posted on my blog in twenty seven years.

Preeeeeeeeeety sure it's only been 2 months, but I'll humor her.

Here is a list of all the things I have been doing since my last post:
-Driving 0.2 MPH to work every day in god-forsaken Houston traffic
-Refilling ADHD medications for kids who really just need a swift kick in the ass
-Learning to speak Vietnamese (I can say 3 whole words! Thanks Tiff!)
-Eating free drug rep food for 2.5 square meals per day (didn't gain a single pound...BOOYAH)
-Driving 900 miles back to Albuquerque while listening to Harry Potter audiobooks
-Learning to cross-stitch just so I could make Megan Sanchez a sign that says "That's.....not a real thing"
-Mega cuddling with Clementine, who thought if she continuously sat on me that I wouldn't leave her anymore.
-Snowboarding with my favsie fav John Reid
-Snowboarding with my sweet loverbutt Santiago
-Falling so hard on my snowboard that my goggles flew off
-Eating Nana's posole (and putting lime in it because I'm a sick green bean casserole white girl)
-Drinking gin and opening Christmas presents
-Taking red-eye flights to NYC
-Shuttle anxiety
-Seeing the Royal Tenenbaums house in Harlem. And wishing I had a fur coat and a wooden finger.
-Eating soup dumplings with my all-time favorite copy editor
-Gorging myself on jew food (bagels & lox)
-Chillin' with three-horns and learning about poison at the Natural History Museum
-Taking a hobbly stroll in Central Park with my busted foot. (got some Dr Scholl's inserts. foot still hobbly)
-Appreciating fine scissory art at the MoMA
-Walking down Murder Alley with Chloe Vance to a bar that smells like varnish.
-Drinking as much brunchy mimosas as possible
-Getting engaged and whatnot.
-Crying and yelling at Santiago as he's proposing
-Having really cold hands because my ring is too big to wear with gloves.
-Pizza & champagne toasts with my some of my favorite people who are still my favorites despite having abandoned me to live in NYC
-Watching Book of Mormon on Broadway (MAGICALLY OFFENSIVE)
-Being the only straight people at a New Years Eve party (one big Beyonce sing-along)
-Hanging out with my baby Alex, who has a promising career as a voice-actor for pterodactyls
-Packing up my scrubs and heading to Roswell for my world's best ER rotation
-Needing more Ativan than usual to get through ER shifts with a psychotic preceptor
-Studying sepsis and antibiotic dosages until I want to barf
-Wedding planning (you know. pinning on Pinterest)
-Actual wedding planning
-Puppy sitting a rabid baby polar bear (stuck in Freud's oral stage)
-Driving back and forth from Roswell (more Harry Potter!)

There you go, Megan! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? Thanks a lot. Now I only have time to watch 1 episode of Game of Thrones before bed.